"It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell." ~ Buddah
To conquer one's self, to eliminate one's own insecurities, and prosper through one's own barricades and fears, is the greatest and most powerful victory. In the past, I have fallen in weakness and destroyed my own relationships and happiness because of my own insecurities and mistrust.
Because of these insecurities I have destroyed some of my best friendships, one of them being with someone I miss dearly. Recently, I had the opportunity to salvage this friendship, possibly even save it, but because of my own insecurities and vengeful mindset I froze, and walked away before I could risk getting hurt.
If this person were to read this blog, he would know I was talking of him. Would he care? Probably not. Would I want him to see this? No, my pride gets in the way of being honest with myself and those that are/were closest to me.
7 months ago, I began a relationship with a man that has seemed to be doomed from the start. An extremely cliched, scary relationship. I was, and possibly still am, terrified of this person hurting me. I've been in search of happiness for quite some time now. Maybe not even happiness, I could settle for content, I'm willing to compromise. It seems now though that I'm only happy being in a relationship with him if I'm actually physically with him. Otherwise, I'm paranoid, uncomfortable, and depressed if I'm not constantly talking to him. I'm afraid I've become dependent on him like I was with my best friend. Or, more likely, my own insecurities are keeping me from being happy.
So where do I go from here?
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